The Five of Us, Spring 2014

The Five of Us, Spring 2014

Reincarnation and Remodel vs. Resurrection

I hope the title of this post intrigued you--I wasted a lot of time coming up with it!


Reincarnation

Since I was a child, I have had a severe case of "stinkifooteitis." I vividly remember one episode in the car with my mother and sister. I was a teenager. My feet were hot. I slipped them out of my shoes. My sister and mom were in the front seat; I in the back. "WHAT is that smell?!" "Did you run over some dead thing?!" "GROSS!" I put my feet back in my shoes.

So, when I heard that Crocs makes shoes out of some space age material that could be a cure for stinkifooteitis, I investigated! I found a cute little ballet-slipper style for skinny (stinky) feet like mine. They are cute, but totally remind me of jelly shoes--which my mother wouldn't let me have because stinkifooteitis and jelly just shouldn't be done. So, I have decided that my "Prima" Crocs are the reincarnation of the jelly shoes I always wanted!

So this...

Has become this...

Better (on several levels) don't ya think?! :)

Remodel vs. Resurrection

It was about a year ago that I started complaining to God that my life (and by association, his kingdom) was a bit blah, boring, mediocre. I told him I didn't think it should be this way and I didn't want it to be this way. I asked him to rescue me from my boredom.

Well, then we started the adoption process and I thought that was the key. Surely, my life wouldn't be boring any more. But it is. Because as much of an emotional roller-coaster as all of this is, well, it's still not ALL that God intends for me and my family. Nor will their homecomings be the end of my boredom.

A few months ago I heard someone say that we often treat our "conversions" or "salvations" or whatever you want to call it as though God just wanted to remodel us. Most of us (relatively "good" Americans anyway) think we are pretty good and that God only has a little work to do on us. Friends of ours are in the design phase of remodeling their house and I think it is a pretty good "visual" for what I've thought my "Christian" life should be like--making more room here and there, "repurposing" this room or that, adding Jesus as another level to everything that already exists. I never would have said this is how I treated the whole thing, but it is pretty much true.

But, I've come to think that God doesn't really want to remodel us. He wants to kill us. That seems a lot more in line with Scripture to me. After all, "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live..." (Gal 2:20) That's a pretty popular verse and one I have memorized for years. But, it doesn't sound like a remodel or a make-over. It doesn't seem like there's much room in that for keeping a few things just the way they are while I let God fix up the ugly and outdated parts. It sounds like death, like the complete end of a way of living, like starting over from scratch. And that sounds pretty scary.

Sure the rest of the verse is pretty rosy: "but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." But to get there, you have to die. Uuurgh. Not pretty.

So, I'm reevaluating everything. Finances. Values. Priorities. Friends. Where I live. What I believe. How I apply what I believe. Who is my neighbor. Lots of things. I told Aaron that I know I have a tendency toward extremes and it would be easier for me to just drop everything, move to Liberia, become like the Liberians, and just start it all over than it would be to stay here in comfy-cozy America and strip away the layers of culture that I've bought into and adapted to my "Christian" life. If I'm at Point A, it's like I have to go to Point Z to even see clearly what in the heck Point A really is. I don't think Point Z is necessarily all that much more real and healthy than Point A (and I'll probably end up somewhere between B and Y), but at least from Z you can tell what A is.

Add to that (ie--my extremism) to my over-developed sense of right and wrong (there's very little gray in my world and I recognize that as a weakness) and you have a recipe for a very legalistic little puppy. So, while my eyes are being opened to some ways that I am not living like I believe, not loving like Jesus, not living like Jesus, it would still be very easy for me to just cut Jesus out altogether, to decide for him what I should do, whom I should be, what my life should look like in response to his, all in an attempt to be like him, to please him, to be a "real" follower of Jesus. That's sick and strange, eh?

A friend of mine says that she was caught off-guard when Jesus confronted her self-reliance. "But, but, God... that's one of my best qualities!" she said. I hear her! It's one of the hardest to leave behind because I (and my society) value it so deeply. But, Jesus (duh!) wants us to depend on him, to FOLLOW him.

Blather, blather, blather. I feel a bit disposessed--as though I no longer fit in this world but I'm not ready yet for the other one. (Hmmm, that sounds suspiciously biblical too...) So, bear with me as I'm figuring all this out, divesting myself of layers of stuff and trying to discover (I'm not sure whether to say "again" or "for the first time") who Jesus really is and who I'm supposed to be. In any case, I'm done with the boring remodel. I want a resurrection... and, um, could I get that without any death...please?

2 comments:

Amy said...

Wow, wow, wow!!! I think I'm going to have to read that post again...and again. Not that it's not clear-your message was clear as day to me-but it also scared me and made me think way too much!
I've been close to where you are now, but then I got distracted. And I believe I'm now headed that way again. I'm both excited and full of dread. :) But I know what God has in store is so much better than the comforts I have now. Thank you, Rae, for putting this so eloquently!

Jamie said...

Hi Rae,

I also have a bad case of the stinkifooties. Payless shoes and I never had a good relationship because of it. I loved the prima crocs - so cute!

Good luck with your re-evaluations. Please let us know if you decide to up and move to Liberia out of nowhere.... :)

Jamie

My Man and Me

My Man and Me
married 7/7/2001

Punk

Punk
ours through biology, born 7/25/2004, home 8/1/2004

Pea

Pea
ours through adoption from Liberia, West Africa, born 7/15/2005, home 10/25/2007

Pup

Pup
ours through domestic adoption, born 1/15/2011, home 2/10/2011, final 8/3/2011

Talk To Me

I blog for myself and my kids and I would do it even if no one else cared, but I do like to hear from you (and think it's a wee bit creepy of you to voyeurize us without my knowing it). So, please leave a comment from time to time, or email me anytime at xawilsons@hotmail.com. Much obliged, I'm sure.

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Round Two Timeline

  • 9/24/08 Home study update home visit for Ghana adoption
  • 10/15/08 Dossier sent to AOHG
  • 10/15/08 I600A application sent to USCIS
  • 10/30/08 First heard about possible domestic private adoption
  • 11/18/08 Last spoke with contact about possible domestic adoption; expected to hear back about meeting with birthmother
  • 12/3/08 Withdrew application from AOHG
  • 1/6/09 Found out another family had been chosen for possible domestic adoption
  • 1/21/09 USCIS fingerprinting appointment
  • 1/8/09 Received USCIS fingerprinting appointment notice
  • 4/11/09 Sent Pre-Application to Covenant Care Adoptions for Domestic Infant Adoption program
  • 6/8/09 Social worker visit to update home study from International to Domestic
  • 7/24/09 Received completed home study update
  • 8/25/09 Went "on the list" for birthfamilies to choose from
  • 4/28/10 Found out a birth mom had chosen us
  • 5/8/10 Met the birth mom
  • 5/11/10 Got the call that birth mom changed her mind
  • 5/19/10 Birth mom's scheduled c-section
  • 11/30/10 Visit from DSS sw about foster parenting
  • 11/30/10 Got the call that another birth mom had chosen us
  • 12/21/10 Met with the birth mom
  • 1/15/11 @1:42 PM BB was born!
  • 1/19/11 ICPC (interstate) paperwork sent to GA for approval
  • 1/31/11 ICPC Clearance Approved
  • 2/10/11 Placement Ceremony and Pup comes home!!!!
  • 8/3/11 It's Official! Pup's Adoption Decree was issued