19 Aug 2011

Hey there, blogosphere! It's my birthday! Yay! 35!

But, better than that, there's only about one month left until Aa leaves for Uganda! I'm sooooooo very excited for him to get to experience some of what I experienced 18 months ago. The sweet, sweet people are life-changers!

To help finance his trip, Aa has made a brand-new design for a money box/bank like we use with our kids (he made theirs too, but this new design is really great!). It's up for auction on Ebay and all the money he makes from it will be put toward his trip fees. The great thing about this bank is that it has three "wells" for the money to go in. The wells are marked (on the lid) share (for donations/tithes), save (to deposit in the bank or other investments at your convenience), and spend (to be used on desires). You can use this tool to discuss the different ways of using money, how to budget, how to be generous, and to pass on your values concerning money with your kids.

We have worked out what we feel is a good system for using this tool. We want to give our kids as realistic a perspective as possible to prepare them for adulthood. I hope this description of what we do will help you determine what will work well for your family.

We give our kids a salary (going to school is their "job") each week; they do not get an allowance for doing household chores because that is just part of being a family. They receive their salary in dimes so that they can easily divide it up into the different uses. We require that some goes in each well each week. They decide what to spend their spend money on and set long-term goals for their savings. They also decide where and when to contribute their give money. Each school year they get a raise and when grades become more meaningful, they will get "performance bonuses" based on their achievements at school. So far, this method has worked really well for our now 6 and 7 year olds.

So, please go to Ebay now and bid on the great tool for a great cause! Thanks!

27 July 2011

We all know babies and kids go through growth spurts, but Pup seems to have entered a "development spurt." While my mom was here a couple weeks ago, she taught Pup to sit up. He's been doing baby crunches ever since I can remember, so I knew his core was pretty strong. Mom set him on the floor and made a tripod by spreading his feet as far as they would go and then resting his hands on the floor between them. He took to it right away. Of course.

Well, ever since then, he's been accumulating all kinds of tricks and accomplishments! He now seems able to roll over at will, can sit for a few minutes with his hands off the floor before he topples, and is fascinated with his tongue (sticking it out and making raspberries). Today when we got home from school, I set him (on his back) on the floor while I helped the bigs tackle their after-school responsibilities. When I came back to Pup, he had flipped to his belly and repeatedly drew his left knee up toward his left hip as if he was trying to start crawling!

Uuuggh! I really, truly wish the first year of life could stretch over two years. It just goes by too fast. At Pup's 6 month appointment last week, the Dr. urged me to get going on solid foods. I just want to keep Pup a baby as long as I can. He just doesn't seem to want to cooperate! Sigh. I guess it's time to bite the bullet and plug all the sockets. Anyone seen any good deals on cabinet and drawer stops?

27 July 2011

The bigs attend year-round school, so they had 5 weeks in June and July off for their summer break. Three of those 5 weeks were filled with visits from the grandparents (first my parents for a week, then Aa's for 2). Our last visitors left on Monday morning. Needless to say, after all that spoiling by the gps and the relaxing of discipline by Aa and me, some reprogramming has been required this week!

I gave myself a break on Monday and did nearly nothing regarding housework and child-training. But, Tuesday was a new day and a return to routine and our typical standards of behavior. So, after about 5 weeks of doling out threats with nothing to back them up, I told the bigs Monday night that they'd used up all their warnings and that consequences would be swift on Tuesday.

On the way home from school Tuesday, it was bicker, bicker, bicker. Of course. Part of our routine is that the kids do a few quick chores (pick up the mail, take out the dog, deal with lunch boxes and backpacks) and then have some blow-off-steam play time before we hit the homework. Well, they decided to rough-house and I could tell it was escalating, so I called it off and told them not to touch each other. So, Punk poked Pea. Of course. I sent him straight to his bed and told him I'd be there to talk to him in just a moment. After assuring myself that Pea wasn't also in need of discipline, I called Punk down from his upper bunk. He recalled that there were to be no warnings and we reviewed the meaning of obedience (you do what I say right away, all the way, and with a happy heart). He admitted that poking Pea didn't fit the bill. I told him I'd have to spank him once for his disobedience. I gave him one quick thwap. Being the drama king he is, he screamed bloody murder and leapt up into the air. He scurried to his closed bedroom door and flew out. Before I knew it, I heard the front door open and close. Hot on his heels, I got outside just after he did. He turned and scowled and yelled, "I'm running away!"

Well, that was a first, so I had to think and act quickly. Without rushing, I caught him up and began to talk to him.
"Where are you going?"
"Hrmph. I don't know." Grumbled.
"Hmmm. Well, you didn't stop to get your shoes (compassionately). I bet your feet are going to start hurting."
"Hrmph."
"And, it is raining out here. You'll be getting awfully wet soon."
"So what." Angry.
"Why don't we go home where it's dry and cool. We can talk about this and come up with a plan."
"Hmf." Resigned?
I scooped him up and held his stiff, angry body close to me. I said gently, "You know, no matter where you go in this world, you will never, ever find anyone who loves you as much as Daddy and I do. And, your sister and brother are a close second." I couldn't believe my brilliance! I sounded like a movie script! And, what's even better--it worked! By the time we got inside the door, his attitude was changed and his arms were around my neck. His hands slid down my arms as I set him down, not wanting to break the connection.

After 7 years of parenting this little boy who is cut from the same cloth I was, I feel I'm finally getting a handle on how to deal with his drama. It requires every ounce of strength I have to fight drama with kindness and quiet (instead of escalating the situation as I have in the past). Just like me, he just wants empathy and understanding. And love. It all comes back to love. When I remain calm and in control of myself, I can show him my love in a much more convincing way. And, when he knows I love him no matter what, all the other stuff falls away for him too.

I was amazed that the rest of the afternoon and evening passed without another incident. Five weeks worth of unprogramming reversed with one spank and kindly whispered words of love? Unbelievable, but true!

Since I'm not here so much any more, I thought I'd better jot down a few notes for posterity. And you guys.

• Punk is turning into a math genius. He's still a few months off of his 7th birthday, finishing up the first grade and doing simple division (12/4) in his head. Per Punk's request, Aa explained decimals to him this afternoon and he seemed to pick it right up. I wish math was so intuitive to me! What's the opposite of intuitive? Math! :)
• Pup is growing like gangbusters! He had his 4 month check-up last week. He came in at 17.5 lbs and 27", which puts him in the 90th and 95th percentiles, respectively. He's pushing the boundaries of the 3-6 month clothes. Dunno what I'm going to do with all the cute fall/winter 12-18 mo stuff I bought on clearance!
• Pea is doing really well with her locs. We tightened them a little while ago and I asked her if the experience was better or worse than having her whole head braided. She said it was soooooo much better. Good. Cuz you're stuck with it now, kid!
• Aa shaved off his goatee. Now he and Pup are identical, except in coloring. It's uncanny. I'll have to snap a pic of them together.
• Pup has rolled over twice now, days apart, both times while I was out of the room. He's started on rice cereal and avocados. He's not really sure about either of them, but he's very curious about the foods the rest of us are eating!
• Pea has brought a total of 3 notes home from school--all letting us know she's been disciplined for acting silly/distracting during learning times. This is the little girl who loved preschool, but practically hid in her shell the whole time. Her teacher put it well when she said, "I'm so please to see Pea coming into her own, but now she needs to learn the boundaries."
  
• Pup continues to get attention everywhere we go. There is no such thing as a quick errand when he is in tow!
  
• Aa is still making boxes for donations for his trip to Uganda this fall. I'm considering a fund-raiser where I sell something like gift certificates for desserts. You buy the certificate now and cash it in when you want the cake/cupcakes/cheesecake/mousse. Maybe...
• I got an iPhone today. And sent my first text. How many points does that earn me? :)
• Aa is practically covered in poison ivy. He thinks he found the culprit in the yard. I'm surprised none of the children have gotten it. Aa says maybe they're all immune like me. What are the chances? Seriously!
• Pup is sleeping pretty well now. Goes to bed around 9, gets up around 5, but is kept at bay with a paci (which I like to call his "sucker") until 6:15-6:30. When school gets out, Punk gets a roomie!
• The restaurant we had lunch at today has one of those quarters-for-candy machines. Pea got Skittles. After eating a few, she asked me which is my favorite color. Then she bent over her handful and picked out all the orange ones and gave them to me. She is sweetness and generosity in little brown girl form.
• I took sheaves of paperwork to the courthouse Friday to file for the finalization of Pup's adoption. But, when I got there, they told me "the adoption lady" wasn't in. I have to call Tuesday. Hope she can see me pronto because I need to get it filed this month or more paperwork ensues! Eeep!
  

4 May 2011

So, I know, I know, taking out a fireplace is a stupid idea from a re-sale perspective, but we didn't make this decision lightly. It was time for it to go. We never use it, never liked it. It took up valuable real estate in our slightly cramped living areas (we have big bedrooms, though!). And, most pointedly of late, it was a baby hazard. So out it came and, once again, we rearranged furniture, creating a spacious dining area (in the official dining room, of all places!), a formal living room/library, and a family room with the huge sectional another couch, my desk, and room for all the baby's "furniture" (jumperoo, activity gym, etc.).

Now you see it... Well, sorta. This is the best--the only--"before" pic I could find with the fireplace in it. It's like a "Where's Waldo." If you haven't found it yet, look to the left behind all the stuff that's piled up there. That's actually a pretty accurate state of affairs.Now you don't!I took the last pic above at the end of the day when we had most of the furniture where we wanted it, but a lot of the clutter was still seeking it's new home. So, yeah, it looks a little better now. :)

While Mama and Daddy were busy moving furniture and the bigs were busy playing outside, poor baby Pup was stuck safely away in his jumperoo. Apparently, we weren't watching the clock and worked right through naptime!

24 April 2011

Being the far-away portion of the family has it's pros and cons. We can spend holidays in our jammies and avoid the stress of big, fancy, family dinners, but we don't get to have big, fancy, family dinners or enjoy the company of our larger family. With the new baby, everything seems to have been demoted to the "low-key" category and Easter is no different. I did bake a 10-lb ham Saturday night (with frozen veg and homemade bread) and we dyed 2 dozen eggs. The bigs had a quick hunt this morning, but the EB didn't even stop over with baskets and candy (they still have Halloween treats for Pete's sake!!!).

What treats they did receive came from relatives from afar. Punk got some fun Lego sets and Pea's pony collection grew. They couldn't be happier with their new things.

This sweet little outfit for Pup was one of the gifts from my brother and his fiancette. Isn't he darling in it? :)

9 April 2011

...and so it is now time to introduce Pup to the timeless family (maternal side) tradition of pantslessness.When you get enough of those darling chub-chub legs, check out the quilt my mom made for Pupster. :) It's hard to tell in the photo, but the batik blocks have beautiful turtles in them. The easiest one to pick out is in the left-hand corner of the quilt. Did you find him? I love the ocean theme with the seaweed border and polka dots just for fun! Pup is certainly a beach-boy in the making!

31 March 2011

My parents came to stay with us for a few days during my mom's spring break (she's a teacher). I snapped this sweet moment between Grandma and Pup and thought it was too adorable not to share.

23 March 2011

This afternoon Punk was playing with Pup. Ever the sentimental, expressive, emotional, drama prince, he was gushing about how fun Pup is, how sweet and cute he is, etc. This fountain of love culminated in a plea for another baby ("A GIRL!!!" Pea interjected) soon! This isn't a new request. A few weeks ago Punk and Pea settled on the number of babies it would take to make our family complete: 15. That's 15 new babies. It doesn't include the three children we have now. A family of 20, apparently, is a complete family!

But, I digress. In response to Punk's effusions, I decided to unveil a little plan I've been cooking up. I said, "Well, you know, Punk, the more babies there are, the less time Mama has for doing things around the house. And, since they still have to be done, that means that the big kids get to do them."

He was excited, "Yay! I get to boss Pea around!"

"Well, no, because this still doesn't mean you're the parent. It just means that you'll get to help the family more. In fact, I'm going to teach you both some new chores during Spring Break. We'll do lots of fun things, too. But, each week (they get 3 weeks off because they are in year-round school) I will teach each of you a new job and we'll spend the week learning it. Then, when you go back to school, you'll be experts and you'll be able to do the jobs yourselves!"

I didn't get as much flack as I expected (hooray!), but that doesn't stop me from expecting it when we get busy with it! Aa and I will be deciding on some jobs that Punk and Pea can be taught to do and I'll be making a chore chart. I'm actually looking forward to it!

Anyone out there got some suggestions for jobs a 5.5 and 6.5 year old can do? They already help set the table, feed and water the dog, take the dog to the yard to do his thing, and put away their own laundry. They've also been helping me wipe down their bathroom and I think they are ready to have that handed over too. So, what do your kids do for chores?

18 January 2011 (well, that's when I started writing this, anyway!)

Have you ever been on a mission trip, or had any big event in your life, and had someone ask you, "How was it?" There's just no easy way to answer that question because there's soooooooo very much to tell and most of it can't be expressed in words. There's a lot of "you had to be there" mixed in with a lot of "I just can't explain it." So, I'll try to give you a reasonable, readable account of the weekend. But, just know, it's falling far short of the reality.

I left on Friday (Jan 14) in a flurry of activity because I had to check into the hospital's guest house by 10 o'clock and Aa had a meeting until 3. With a 6.5 hour drive and possible icy roads and the need to satisfy basic bodily functions, there simply wasn't a moment to spare. I took off flying, after filling up with gas! The roads were mostly clear with only a few scary spots. But, I had prayed that God would send angels to keep the car on the road, and even though I drove on some ice, I never felt the car slip one centimeter.

I made it just in time. The hospital's guest house is very economical, which means it isn't luxurious. But being so close was worth the sacrifice of amenities. I do wish I'd brought my own pillow along, though. I took a couple of Tylenol PMs and prayed myself to sleep.

My plan for Saturday morning was to be at the hospital at 7 for breakfast. AB (our birth mom) was scheduled to be induced at 7 and she was going to call me in when she was all hooked up to all the gadgets and ready to go. So, I set my alarm before going to bed Friday night. I needn't have bothered! I was awake long before it sounded. Apparently, adrenaline is stronger than TPM! Anyway, although I am not a morning person, I was easily able to keep to the plan.

About 8 AM, Cynthia, AB's case worker, called to tell me she was on her way in. She also informed me that AB had gone into labor on her own and had been contracting since 3 AM!!! Not only that, she had progressed to 4 cm when she came in this morning! I was thrilled to know that, even though the induction was a week ahead of the due date, her body was ready to do its thing--and that we might have a baby sooner than later.

Cynthia had another surprise for me. AB wasn't alone in the room as we had thought she would be. Her aunt (J) and 13 yr old cousin (D) were already there. I continued to wait for Cynthia so that we could go in together.

Cynthia arrived about 8:30, so we headed in. I hadn't seen AB in a month and this was only our second meeting. I gave her a big hug and handed her the gifts I had brought--a fleecy warm robe, woolly slipper-booties, and the box Aaron had made with a few more recent photos in it. She was very pleased--and cold! So, I helped her slip on the booties and the robe. Then I got to meet J and D, who were sitting off to the side. While all this gift-giving and introductions were going on, AB was having contractions every 5-6 minutes. But, no one seemed to be coaching her through them. Since I was right there during the gift-giving, I stepped in to coach. I had tried to prepare as best I could in the week leading up to the big day since I thought I would be the only one there. Throughout the entire labor, I was the only one who ever attempted to help (besides the nurses). I was very glad I had done my little bit of boning up!
Not long after we arrived, maybe 10 or so, the nurse checked AB's progress. She had dilated another 2 cms! Cynthia encouraged her that this would be the time to get the epidural so that she didn't get too far along. Now, AB has another child--a 22 month old girl--and the epidural procedure didn't go so smoothly the first time. So, she was very fearful about it. Everyone had to clear the room except for me (I am so grateful and in awe that I was the chosen one) and the nurse anesthetist came in. Poor soul. He was trying to talk to AB when a contraction hit. I asked him to hang on until it was over. He went on after that, but it was sorta down hill from there on. AB told him that she'd had a bad experience in the past. I think it made him even more nervous. He got her into position and started trying to get the needle between the vertebrae, but hers are very tightly joined. He struggled for probably 45 minutes, in two different places and finally got so upset that he sorta threw his instruments on the bed and raised his hands and said, "I give up."

AB was in a lot of pain from the contractions by this point and she was very afraid of going through the hardest parts of labor without the epidural. The nurse called the anesthesiologist (dr.) to come. When he showed up a few minutes later, he tried to talk her out of having the procedure. She was very upset. Cynthia had said before she left, "I'm all for epidurals for adoptions. There is enough pain involved that whatever we can get rid of, I feel we should." I also felt that AB was not confident and neither one of us was truly prepared to get her through without the epidural. So, I asked the doctor if he would try just one time, just once. He capitulated.

Now, almost the whole time the nurse anesthetist was trying, I was praying silently that God would open up the space in her vertebrae. And, most of that time, I felt an urge to pray out loud. But, I was embarrassed. I barely know the girl, although she does have faith, and I certainly didn't know the nurse or the anesthetist. But, with only one more try, I sucked it up, leaned into AB's ear and prayed, "Lord God, you can do this. Open up AB's vertebrae so that the needle can go in and she can get the help she needs to get through this." Then I helped her breathe through the contraction.

In no time at all, the dr. had the epidural in place. He said it was difficult, but compared with the nurse anesthetist, he made it look easy! And, as soon as it was in, AB said, "Oh, praise Jesus!" And we had a little moment of worship and thanks before the next contraction came on.

J and D came back into the room and then D's phone rang. It was "Granny." D rolled her eyes a lot while talking to her and J and AB seemed very surprised she had called. Then there was a tap on my shoulder. D held the phone out to me with a quizzical/worried look on her face, and said "She wants to talk to you." So, I got to talk to Granny a bit. Not knowing what to expect, but not getting good vibes from the ones who did, I took a positive stance. I told her she would be so proud of her girl who was doing such a great job. Granny said, "Well, she comes from good stock!" Hee hee! She was kind to me and said she was grateful for me and my family. Then she asked for D again. A few minutes later, she talked to AB. At one point in the conversation, I heard AB tell Granny, "You would love her if you met her. I know I made the right choice and that this is the right family." I was overwhelmed with gratitude to hear AB speak about me and my family that way.

After she got off the phone, she told me that Granny hadn't spoken to her since she found out "about all this." I asked if they had been close before, and she said, "Yeah. I think so." Then J said "Granny's just Granny." And that was the end of that.

Then, AB's best friend--a friend she's had for 14 years--came. She was very sweet and supportive. She brought a lightness and a happy atmosphere to the room. I wasn't sure how happy I should be around AB. Plus, I was pretty focused on making sure AB was comfortable and doing well. We'll call this friend K. I liked having K there. She made an effort to get to know me and also to make sure AB was doing well.

At about noon, I think, the epidural wasn't doing its job very well any more. So, the nurse came in and checked AB. She was now 8 cm! The contractions were monstrous on the monitor--tall, wide, and right on top of one another. AB was crying through the contractions and not handling them very well. So, the nurse called for the anesthetist to come back and give a boost (I forgot the technical term). After he left, she sort of giggled and said, "That's the biggest boost I've ever seen!" I think we sorta scared him the first time he saw us!

The nurse glanced back at the screen and said, "I'm just gonna check you again." Her face registered surprise and she said she could feel the baby's head! She said he had dropped about 5 cm since the last check about 20 minutes back! She called the OB and told AB that if she sat her up and AB started pushing, we'd have the baby before the dr. could arrive!

We all started buzzing, and the everyone pulled out their cell phones! The nurse was busy getting everything in place and minutes later, just after I'd asked how long the dr would take to arrive, he came in! He explained a few things, AB shifted positions, and everything began happening so fast! She was afraid she wouldn't be able to push because the giant boost had made her numb from her ribs to her toes. She couldn't feel a thing. And, she had pushed for 2 1/2 hours in her first delivery, so she was afraid because of that too. I was able to help calm her down and she did so wonderfully! Even without being able to feel, I think it was only five contractions later that his head was out! And then his body.

I began to sob with emotions I can't name even now. There is nothing like that moment in all the world. Nothing to compare it to. Nothing. I've never participated in any birth besides Punk's and it was very different being an observer. And, yet, not just an observer. The mother of the child too! My heart swelled and I lost my breath and I just heaved tears all over the place.

The cord was around his neck and there was meconium in the water, so I didn't get to cut the cord as planned. They whisked the baby to the side of the room and began working on him. Everyone else followed the baby, but I stayed with AB. After the placenta was out and she was a little more calm and comfortable, I left her side for just a moment to snap one quick photo of him.They were able to stabilize BB (Baby Boy, until I can gift him a blog name) and brought him over. AB held him first for a few minutes, then me. Someone else asked to hold him and he got passed around like a communion tray for a little while. Finally, the nurses said he needed to go to the nursery and I could come along. So I did. I really hope SOMEONE took care of AB while I was gone.

After they messed with my little boy for a while, and gave him his first bath, I was able to take him to a little room and give him his first feeding. It was a precious time. He is so very tiny. So, so, so tiny. After he ate, I took a few pictures of him. And then we went to AB's room and hung out with her for a while.I went to get some dinner and when I came back up the elevator, J was standing there waiting. There was another woman waiting also. I didn't want to make them miss the elevator, but I asked J, "How's she doing?"

She said, "She's fine. Just resting."

"Oh, okay, I'll see you later." And, we went our separate ways. When I got to AB's room, I mentioned having seen J.

She said, "Yeah, and that was my mother with her." I was shocked that J hadn't introduced us!

I said, "Oh, will she be coming back?"

"Yeah, they just went to get something to eat."

"Are you glad your mother is here?"

"Yeah, but she doesn't like this."

"Did she try to talk you out of it?" I realize looking back that this sounded to AB like I was concerned she might change her mind. I'm sorry for that because I was really asking a question more akin to "How's your heart? Do you need ministry?"

"No one can talk me out of this," she said defensively. "I know this is the right thing. I know all the facts. I know God has put all this together and no one can say any differently."

We talked a little about her relationship with her mom, but she wasn't very forthcoming. When J and L (AB's mom) came back, AB introduced us. She asked me to tell her mom about the baby's name and it's meaning. His middle name is Immanuel, which means "God with us." We chose it because we feel it is very clear that God has been with us--with this family, with AB, and with BB--through all of this. And, that He will continue to our constant companion.

We all three chatted a bit more, and took turns holding BB. I think it was good for L and even J and AB to see me with BB. I also think it was really good for L and J to see me continuing to care for AB and build relationship.

When I finally pulled away that night, I felt like I was suspended between two worlds--one of total and complete exhaustion and one of extreme emotion. Even though I took some more TPM, I slept restlessly. I woke up early Sunday morning trying to scheme ways to stay during the interim until the rest of the family could come and we could bring BB home. I phoned Aa at 6:30 AM begging to stay. In the end, we decided I should stay one more night. It seemed like a better transition for me to leave when the others were discharged from the hospital and I just wasn't ready to leave either AB or BB just yet. But, I really missed the rest of my family, and I knew they needed me too.

After breakfast Sunday morning, I was right on time for BB's first feeding of the morning. AB wasn't up yet, so I just held him and looked at him and loved him some more.L had spent the night with AB and was still there when I brought BB to her room. We all just hung out for a while. They were both really glad that I was able to stay another day, as was Cynthia. Cynthia had set an appointment with AB to sign the relinquishment papers at 4 PM Sunday. So, as the hours passed, AB started to draw into herself. I stuck around, but the focus changed from she and I spending time together to watching tv. I understand this natural defense mechanism, but I hadn't thought ahead to expect it, and I admit, it did hurt me a little bit.

L left mid-day, so AB and I were alone for a while leading up to the meeting. She never turned off the tv, but did decide to try to nap. I stayed nearby, with BB, and read a book. Around 3, I needed to change BB's diaper. He doesn't like that! So, he began to cry, and disturbed AB. When I had him all fixed up, she asked to hold him. At 3:45 Cynthia brought the interim care parents to meet us. The plan was to spend a few minutes together and then I would go with the baby and the ICPs to another room for awhile while Cynthia did the paperwork with AB. The ICPs were not what either AB nor I were expecting and they didn't go over well with AB, so Cynthia sent us on our way. But, before I left the room, I asked AB if I could hug her. She said yes, so I did. I said a few words to her and we cried a little bit, and then I left as Cynthia stepped back in.

I truly have never been in such a desperate situation that I have ever had to consider making such a choice as AB had made. I couldn't come close to comprehending what she must be feeling as she faced the moment of finalizing the adoption plan by relinquishing her rights to her son. As I walked out of that room, my heart was so heavy. I was pushing the rolling bassinet with BB in it, but not one of my thoughts was on him. My heart felt as heavy as lead but as fragile as the thinnest glass, and about 10 steps down the hall, I collapsed (emotionally) under the weight of it. I began to sob loudly and the ICPs turned around. The IC mother held me for a few moments while I collected myself (and the people in the room whose door I was in front of peeked out to see what was the matter). I continued to weep as we walked the corridor to the little room.

I wish this was an ideal world where adoption was unnecessary--on both sides of the coin. I wish babies were only born into situations where they would flourish and that every mother had all the myriad resources and support it takes to parent successfully. I wish that every mother who has those resources and support and who desires to parent could give birth to the children she longs for. But, that's not this world. And, adoption is necessary. And, I believe that this instance, this child, this birth mother, this adoptive family were all created for each other and that this is one of the cases where adoption is truly the best option for everyone. But, the fact of the matter remains, there is much grief woven into the picture--for AB, for BB, and for me.

When we sat down in the little room, I scooped up BB and kissed his precious face with sloppy, teary-wet kisses. And as I held him, I grieved for my son, for this moment in his one-day old life was not a happy one. Then I dried my tears and turned my attention to the ICPs and we chatted about the rest of my family and the rest of theirs. They took pictures of me and BB on their IPhones and we sent them home to Aa and the kiddinkidinks, along with a video of me and BB.

For my part, I liked the ICPs. They are a retired couple and she is quiet and sweet and nurturing and her presence is a soothing, peaceful one. He is a mountain of a man and his presence would overwhelm even a large room. But, he is obviously very loving also--even with his quirks.

After some time, Cynthia came in and said that J was with AB and that she was handling it well. She dismissed the ICPs and I took BB to the nursery. Then, Cynthia and I went out to dinner--the first time I had been off the hospital grounds since arriving Friday night. We talked about what happens from here on out, and made the 18-year plan of letters, photos, and visits. I told her about God's promise to exceed my expectations with this adoption and the many ways I saw Him fulfilling the promise. I told her that we will be pursuing foster-parenting as soon as we feel up to it (I'm thinking this will be a mostly-up-to-it feeling--100% may never come!). And, she enlightened me on a few things from her 16 years' experience working with birth mothers.

I relaxed back at the guest house for a little while, calling my husband, my mom, and my sister in turn to update them. Then, I went back up to the hospital to say goodnight. It was a very short visit, and slightly awkward. J was there, but she was very removed (emotionally). AB didn't seem to know what to say to me, nor I to her. So I just said good night to them both and to BB.

Monday morning came and I didn't know if it was too soon or too late. I hadn't slept well again but I was anxious to see BB and AB again. I was planning to leave at 11 AM and the hours til then seemed too short. The pediatrician had decided BB needed a bili-bed for his jaundice on Sunday, so we weren't supposed to be holding him on Monday, except to feed and change him. Well, how can a mother--either one of us--say good-bye to her baby while he's lying in a blue-lighted bassinet. It simply wasn't possible.The nurse came in to AB's room where we were both preparing to depart and told us that she understood the situation but that he really needed to be in the bed. In fact, he was being transferred to Pediatrics and would have to stay another night because he wasn't improving. She asked who would be staying with him. I said I needed to get home to the rest of my family, but that the agency had provided for an interim family to care for him, and that the IC mother would the one to stay the night. As the nurse was asking how to contact her, AB said, "I want to stay with him." I said, "Well, we need to talk with the social worker about that." So, AB called Cynthia and explained. She said she would come on over.

When she arrived, I took BB to the other little room to say good-bye. Cynthia said a few words to AB and then came to see me. I bawled, "Cynthia, I have some really ugly feelings about AB staying with BB tonight." She held me and said, "I know you do." I said, "I'm jealous and angry and fearful." So, she began to pray. When she finished, I thanked her and said, "I know there's no reason to be afraid. I know in my head that AB is solid in her decision and that she is not going to change her mind, but heart just can't seem to grasp it."

Cynthia said, "I can't convince your heart, but I can tell you that AB has never wavered, never so much as swayed since I first met her. And, I do not see this as movement on her part. She really hasn't had much time alone with BB and perhaps she needs that; perhaps this is God's way of meeting that need for her."

I said, "Okay, I can see that, but... All this time, I have been here with them, but when I leave, there is no one left to protect my interests and I can't convince my heart to be okay with that."

She squeezed me and said, "Oh, but there is. And He will never let you down. He knows better than us what is needed in this situation and He will take care of you and BB and AB."

"You're right," I said. "You're right. My heart can't grasp that now, but I think I can get there while I drive home."

I went on to explain that I thought that part of AB's wish to stay was born out of her dislike of the ICPs because her first impression had been askew. Cynthia said she would work on that.

I said good-bye to my tiny boy-o, checked out of the guest house, and started on my way. About an hour later, Cynthia called to say that she had talked with J and they felt AB should go home and rest. Would I pray that AB would do what was best for her? I said of course I would. Later I found out that AB had gone home and that the IC mother would be staying the night. And, that they redoubled the lights on BB so that he could recover quickly. I was glad the IC mother would be staying with him because I knew that she could bear to leave him in that funny contraption!As I drove home, I sensed my thoughts and emotions detaching a little from AB and BB and turning toward Aa, Punk, and Pea. For the last two hours of my drive, I just prayed and prayed (not solidly) that God would refill my completely drained cup so that I would have something to give my precious family when I arrived home. The kiddinkies were getting ready for bed and I had the sweet privilege of snuggling them while reading their books and then tucking them in. Once they were settled in bed, I practically sat on Aa's lap on the couch. I wanted as much of me to touch as much of him as possible. I felt like I had to soak him in, love and be loved by osmosis! We talked a little as we snuggled. I told him I felt as though I had spent every emotion and every emotional reserve I ever had. It was so good to just be, just be, together.

So, now we wait. All the paperwork has to be processed by both the state of GA where he was born and the state of NC where he will live. It was all sent to GA on Wednesday (overnight) and we have not yet heard whether they have passed it on to NC. Please keep praying for a smooth process and that our family will be together again soon.

28 October 2010

Monday was Pea's Third Anniversary! It really is hard to believe it's only been three years. The more I know her, the more I love her. She brings a balance to our family. Her sweet, gentle, loving spirit is the epitome of I Peter 3:4: "You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God." It's precious to me too! I feel very strongly that this family needed this girl at least as much as the girl needed us. In fact, I'm convinced that *I* need this girl.

Many years ago a friend and mentor told me that children are a mirror given by God to show you what you are really like. I think that's very true in Punk's case. He is very like me and I see all my weakness is living color in him. And the strengths too. Pea, though, Pea often shows me what I should be, what I want to be.

Sunday our family went to one of the local schools in a poorer area of town and helped to remove vines from a chain-link fence. The kiddinkies were happy to help, sort of competing to see who could pull out the longest vine. But, soon, all the long, easy pieces were out. What remained were terribly tenacious vines that were impossibly wound around the fence. Pea got in there and patiently unwound them one at a time. It was painstaking work which required focus and dedication I've never seen in a five-year-old. She did it with a happy heart, no complaining, no taking breaks. I didn't have to cajole her into it, she just stood next to me and worked away. Her brother was goofing around nearby, but even that did not distract her from the task she had set herself to. I was humbled and amazed by her example.

I cannot imagine my family without her. I cannot imagine my life without her. Thank you, God, for bringing this light to our lives!

I think it looks great on her and suits her very well, but I would never have picked it in a million years! She told me this morning that her classmate Abigail said she liked it too! :)

Now, that the kids are back in school, my freedom has returned. Er, well, that is to say, at least I get to go through emissions testing alone! :)