Since I'm not here so much any more, I thought I'd better jot down a few notes for posterity. And you guys.

• Punk is turning into a math genius. He's still a few months off of his 7th birthday, finishing up the first grade and doing simple division (12/4) in his head. Per Punk's request, Aa explained decimals to him this afternoon and he seemed to pick it right up. I wish math was so intuitive to me! What's the opposite of intuitive? Math! :)
• Pup is growing like gangbusters! He had his 4 month check-up last week. He came in at 17.5 lbs and 27", which puts him in the 90th and 95th percentiles, respectively. He's pushing the boundaries of the 3-6 month clothes. Dunno what I'm going to do with all the cute fall/winter 12-18 mo stuff I bought on clearance!
• Pea is doing really well with her locs. We tightened them a little while ago and I asked her if the experience was better or worse than having her whole head braided. She said it was soooooo much better. Good. Cuz you're stuck with it now, kid!
• Aa shaved off his goatee. Now he and Pup are identical, except in coloring. It's uncanny. I'll have to snap a pic of them together.
• Pup has rolled over twice now, days apart, both times while I was out of the room. He's started on rice cereal and avocados. He's not really sure about either of them, but he's very curious about the foods the rest of us are eating!
• Pea has brought a total of 3 notes home from school--all letting us know she's been disciplined for acting silly/distracting during learning times. This is the little girl who loved preschool, but practically hid in her shell the whole time. Her teacher put it well when she said, "I'm so please to see Pea coming into her own, but now she needs to learn the boundaries."
  
• Pup continues to get attention everywhere we go. There is no such thing as a quick errand when he is in tow!
  
• Aa is still making boxes for donations for his trip to Uganda this fall. I'm considering a fund-raiser where I sell something like gift certificates for desserts. You buy the certificate now and cash it in when you want the cake/cupcakes/cheesecake/mousse. Maybe...
• I got an iPhone today. And sent my first text. How many points does that earn me? :)
• Aa is practically covered in poison ivy. He thinks he found the culprit in the yard. I'm surprised none of the children have gotten it. Aa says maybe they're all immune like me. What are the chances? Seriously!
• Pup is sleeping pretty well now. Goes to bed around 9, gets up around 5, but is kept at bay with a paci (which I like to call his "sucker") until 6:15-6:30. When school gets out, Punk gets a roomie!
• The restaurant we had lunch at today has one of those quarters-for-candy machines. Pea got Skittles. After eating a few, she asked me which is my favorite color. Then she bent over her handful and picked out all the orange ones and gave them to me. She is sweetness and generosity in little brown girl form.
• I took sheaves of paperwork to the courthouse Friday to file for the finalization of Pup's adoption. But, when I got there, they told me "the adoption lady" wasn't in. I have to call Tuesday. Hope she can see me pronto because I need to get it filed this month or more paperwork ensues! Eeep!
  

31 March 2011

Pea is beginning a new adventure--locs! She doesn't like sitting all day to have her hair done and I simply don't have that kind of time on a regular basis anymore. So, we decided to start her with locs (that's the PC term for dreadlocks, in case you were wondering). Saturday I spent all day (about 9 am to 5 pm, not including the bath at the beginning) putting the twists in that will become the locs over time. She did great and I really like how the starters turned out. ('though I think a middle part suits her better than the side one she's sporting above)
Aa was my hero that day as he devoted himself to all the things I normally would have been doing but couldn't--baby care, running errands, house work--and all the more so since we were expecting my parents to arrive that same evening! He is far and away the best husband a girl could ever dream of. Worth his weight in gold. (And check out Punk's "hair chair"! Guess he was jealous the girlie gets her own throne for hair days and decided to produce his own version!)

It started with the doorbell ringing. A nice looking young man had parked his low-riding red pickup truck in my driveway. When I opened the door for him, he introduced himself as my "meat man." He is the head of the fleet of Empire Frozen Foods home delivery men for our area and he's here to solve all my meat buying issues forevermore. If I'll follow him out to his truck, he will show me the best meat I've ever seen and cut me a deal. He's just trying to get rid of what's left in his freezer and since I'm a new customer, he has the best deal in the world for me. He whips out his brochure and is talking so fast I can't keep up, much less read the brochure AND listen! This is such a fabulous deal. Not everyone gets this deal. I can just help him out by taking these last two cases--one of chicken, one of beef--off his hands, for the incredible price of buy the chicken, get the beef. How much is the case of chicken? Well, ma'am, my meat man and his company have surveyed all the local groceries, including the military commissary, and averaged their prices. This box of chicken alone would cost $299 at that price. But, he'll give me both boxes--the chicken and the beef, for that incredible price. What's more, my meat man will lock in that price for a year and I'll never pay more than that for 2 boxes of choice meat. Meanwhile, I'm trying to do some mental math. I'm used to buying meat at a per pound price, but his brochure is broken down per serving. Still, a little quick math and division gives me $5 per serving. Now, normally, I pay $2 per POUND for boneless skinless chicken breast like this. I MUST have messed up the math. There's obviously no comparison between $2 per POUND and $5 per SERVING. Plainly, there is a mistake somewhere. And, knowing I'm no mathematical genius, I assume I must have done something wrong. I continue to half-listen to the fast-hitting sales pitch while trying to wrap my math-challenge mind around this perplexities of this dichotomy. And I become so confounded that I give in. How did it happen? How did I succomb? I really don't know. At some undeterminable moment I became the meat man's favorite person: a sucker. So, I wrote out the check. "Now, there is some tax involved here too. So, if you could, just make that out for $318." Uh, okay. My meat man even offered to help me load it into the freezer. "I have a PhD in freezer packing." (I swear I didn't make that up. It's a direct quote.) Oh, and don't forget, there is the best guarantee in the business! And that guarantee lasts for a year from the purchase price! Yippee!

So, I pack the meat into the freezer, thinking it somehow looks rather sparse as I stuff it all into an oddly compact area. Three hundred (plus) dollars... hmm. Hours later when A came home I told him I may have done something stupid. He got out the brochure and did some figuring of his own. Via Excell. I kid you not. As a side note, if you'd like to be amused some day, pop on over and see what kind of wonders exist in our archive of Excell sheets! Anyway, turns out that "average of the grocers and commissary" would charge you $20 for a 16 oz striploin (I've never even heard of a striploin!). But, with the incredible deal my meat man gave me, it was a mere $10 for each of those steaks. Yikes. In all, here's what my sweet deal boiled down to: 21 lbs of beef plus 18.5 lbs of chicken (3 lbs of which was heavily breaded "tenders") for $318. For those of you who can't do mental math so swiftly either, that's roughly EIGHT dollars per pound! And that's the special first-timer BOGO deal! Yeow!!!!!

So, yeah. After Excell enlightened us, A was none too pleased. Thankfully, he wasn't mad at the poor sweet sucker who makes him cupcake truffles. He called my meat man and told him I wasn't "authorized to make that purchase" (Ooops. Good thing the sucker can laugh at herself and her man!). My meat man gave him the run-around, of course. It was past business hours, so my meat man suggested A give the big guns a call this morning. A had no less than FOUR conversations with the the honchos and two more with my meat man. Fortunately (and this was my idea) we were in control because we could just stop payment on the check. And then it was up to them to pick it up or "make a donation." They tried to get A to agree to $35/box restocking fees and all kinds of things. Thankfully, A is not the sucker his beloved is (and he was a little more prepared for these conversations) and stuck to his guns.

Finally, my meat man agreed to come pick it up at noon today. But, he wanted everything repacked and ready to go when he arrived. A told him I would help him repack it. In the end I figured I wanted to spend as little time with the meat man as possible, so I had it all packed up by 11:50. No meat man. 12:00 no meat man. 12:10 no meat man. 12:20 my meat man finally showed up and said, "Well, I didn't know you were going to leave it outside!" Sheesh. So, our check is back in our hands, our freezer is nice and roomy, I have heaps more experience, and I gave A a chance to be my hero! :) It's not very often a capable, intelligent woman like me needs rescuing, but I like it so much, I just might have to play the sucker more often!

So, I'm chatting with a friend on facebook when my kiddinkidinks start buzzing about a spider.

"There's a spider!"

"It's not moving."

"Maybe it's dead."

"No, it's NOT!"

Then, of course, Punk scampers off to find his spider book, so as to identify the specific enemy we're dealing with here.

"Is it that one? No. Does this one match? No. Does THIS one match? No. Mommy? What kind of spider do YOU think it is?"

Now, I used to be very brave about such things as spiders. But, now that I have a knight-in-shining-armor to deal with the unpleasantries of life (like dishes, garbage, and of course critters of all unappealing ilks), I've gone soft. I have no bravery left in me. And my stomach is the weakest of all.

But, I got up to see what I could do. And found this.

It's HUGE, but just in case that photo didn't have enough detail for you, I took this one too.

Uuuugh! As in uggggly! So, I went to get the broom. I chased it and swatted at it and screamed at it. Meanwhile, Pea giggled and giggled and giggled! I slightly disabled it, but, like all bad guys, it was darn hard to kill. Despite the white goo bursting from it's belly, it kept struggling for life. I had to do something. I had to bring in the big guns. So, I lifted the nearest, semi-heavy weapon, and brought it to bear upon the struggling, oozing arachnid.

I totally got spoiled today! I got to sleep in a little, then had my favorite breakfast (Eggs Florentine) in bed! I had to open my gifts first, though. Punk is very excitable when it comes to gifts and surprises! He can't wait for anyone to open a wrapped gift. :)


Aa helped the kids make some art for me. Here's Pea's (she loves purple!):

On the back it says,
"I love mommy because:
1. She is nice.
2. She cooks very well.
3. She is pretty. Really, really pretty.
4. She is a princess.
5. She has pretty lipstick."

Number 4 is my favorite!


This is Punk's. It's a pirate treasure map. See the sandy beach on the island? And the "bolcano" on the right? The large green mass above the volcano is a diamond (like the kind in an engagement ring) and the other large green mass is a ruby. I wear three rings every day--my wedding set and two ruby rings--one for each of the kiddinkidinks.

On the back, this one says,

"I love mommy because:

1. She is pretty.

2. She makes good food.

3. She hugs me and gives me kisses.

4. She takes care of me when I get sick.

5. She gave me an awesome sister!"

Obviously, #5 is my fave of Punk's!

Also, this morning at church there was a wonderful video of many of the children sharing reasons why they love their moms. Punk and Pea both are in it. I will let you know where you can see it as soon as it is on the internet!

Pea made this beautiful pin for me at school. I wore it proudly all day.

The one thing I asked Aa for was a pedastal cake plate with a dome. He went to the antique store and found this.

I love it! I am trying to invent a reason to make a cake to put in it!

Last night Aaron and I used a little more of the tax return to go out for a very nice meal. I had a yummy cocktail, followed by a delish appetizer of 5-cheese tortellini with exotic mushrooms in a sweet basil cream sauce. For my entree I had a barbeque veal steak on mashed Yukon gold potatoes and sauteed dandelion greens, garnished with fresh spring morel mushrooms. Mmmmm! It was such an interesting dish. Then we watched the sunset over the Cape Fear River and walked on the boardwalk for awhile. We capped our night with the richest chocolate mousse ever at our fave little river-front cafe. What could be sweeter. I did bring home a souvenier though--a matched pair of blisters on the balls of my feet! Anyone want a pretty pair of size 9 dress sandals?!


This morning we joined a guide and another, older couple for a kayak tour around some of the Intercoastal Waterway. It was so much fun! The kids had a great time, and so did A and I. It was sort of a test-run for us to see if we could envision ourselves doing this often enough to justify picking up some used equipment. I think we had four thumbs up!


After lunch on the pier, we dilly-dallied on the beach for awhile. I brought home another souvenier from today's festivities.

REMINDER: Always REAPPLY your sunscreen after wearing a life preserver! Youch!


Tomorrow afternoon we're going downtown for a performance of Djembe Fire! I can't wait! I hope there's room for the kiddinkidinks to dance in the aisles. I know it will be a lot of fun.

Sometimes I feel like I live a very privileged life--getting to enjoy such wonderful experiences with the love of my life and two darling kiddinkis. What a weekend!

We all have 'em. Those days when things do not go as planned. Sometimes we manage to make the best of it--some of us through true Christlikeness and death to self, others of us through the sheer power of our own wills. Sometimes, though, we choose the flesh over the Spirit and just compound things. Today, for me, was of the latter variety.

I used to be very self-composed. My entire life was run on the raw power of my will. Even for several years after I began my real relationship with Jesus. I had great self-control, and I even inflicted it on others. Until a daring and wise mentor reflected to me how unhealthy and damaging this was. It was one of my most heart-rending, gut-wrenching, soul-humbling times. And, a moment in time I remain most grateful for. However, it wasn't like the issue was all resolved in that day. A lot changed immediately, but there has been a continuing learning curve. Though the rigidity is largely overcome, it is still very difficult for me to respond appropriately when plans change.

This afternoon, I was expecting Aaron to come home and help with the kiddinkidinks' doctors appointments. Punk was in for a kindergarten physical and Pea for her annual well-child check (which we normally do around birthday time, but we were moving, blah, blah, blah). I had some concerns I wanted to run by the doc and I knew both kids were due for shots. I really didn't want to do it all on my own. Aaron had assured me that it wouldn't be a problem for him to escape from work to be there to help with everything. And, he took the car.

Shortly before we needed to leave, I gave him a call. Things weren't going well and he simply couldn't leave. I was assaulted by all kinds of feelings (which, as you know from the first few paragraphs, I stupidly indulged): abandonment, disappointment, resentment, anger, loss of trust. YOU screwed this up and now I have to do it all myself AGAIN! Ugly stuff. I let him feel the icy discomfort of all that was welling within me (as much as I could over the phone) and even sorta hung up on him.

Then, I couldn't find my wallet and was certain it was in the car. With Aaron. So, I bundled up the kiddinkidinks (it was 40 some degrees this afternoon), threw on self-reliance like the cloak of a queen and began the 20 minute walk to the doctor's office. A twenty minute walk through our neighborhood seems like such a pleasant thing now, but at the time it looked like a grueling trek for a self-important, offended queen and her 3- and 4-year old mini-subjects.

We arrived (without incident) at the doctor's office and I filled out reams of paperwork, fuming that I had to remember EVERYONE's SSNs and keep the peace at the same time all by myself. I held each of my precious ones during their injections (2 for Pea, 3 for Punk). I conducted the difficult conversation with the doc with alacrity and aplomb (whilst breaking up a wrestling match, correcting vulgar language, and preventing a relay race). I held each kiddinkidink again when zhe had a finger prick to draw blood. I carried 3 coats, 3 hats, 4 gloves, 2 mittens and the ever-growing ream of paperwork from room to room all around the office. And, with each feat of super-human motherliness, my ugly cloak of pride grew and grew.

Until, as I was preparing to rebundle for the walk home, Pea cried, "Look! It's Daddy!" And, there before me stood my knight, sorry for missing everything, humbly awaiting to carry us all home, and perfectly poised to slay all my accumulated pride. But, before I had completely thawed, he announced he'd be heading right back to work and was already late for a meeting I didn't know about. Every bit of ice I'd shed came right back to me, heavier, sharper, uglier than before.

I put the kiddinkidinks into bed for their much-needed naps and sat down to collect myself. I let myself reflect on how far out of his way Aaron had gone to save us from walking home (which almost certainly would have been disastrous--what with the injected thighs and sleep-deprived souls of my "subjects"), and it thawed me again. It really wasn't his fault that he couldn't get away sooner (even though he had assured me it would be no problem last night). And, he was probably having a pretty lousy time of it too.

When he came home again, I greeted him with a hug and kiss and a big apology. I'm really glad I was able to get my self in check and fix my attitude. Because right after he got home, I started making dinner--brown rice enchiladas with black bean sauce. I poured the hot sauce into the blender and it poured right out the bottom!* Had I still been wearing my ice-queen's cloak, this might have been disastrous. Instead, I was able to calmly ask for help, get it cleaned up, and come up with a wonderful, spontaneous Plan B.

Sushi and plum wine. Mmmmm! The kiddinkidinks split a turkey burger (how glad I am for sushi bars that understand that not EVERYONE eats sushi!) and Punk learned to use chop sticks to eat his cut-up burger! He's better with them than I am!

I'd like to say, "Lesson learned!" but I'm more tempted to think, "When will I EVER learn?!"

*For the curious: This was because an essential part was missing. We found it in the bottom of the dishwasher, melted and mangled beyond use. Thus, I couldn't finish making the recipe (the sauce NEEDED to be blended) and by this time in the day I really was a little frazzled and not excited about continuing to cook, feeling that something ELSE was bound to go wrong!

It all began over a game of Scrabble at the end of September 1999. I had recently moved to Boise to be Associate Staff/Director of Discipleship of a college campus ministry called Chi Alpha. I was living with a married couple who had come with the ministry's director in '97 as part of the "pioneering team" to help get the ministry started. One night, another member of the team came over and the four of us hung out. At some point, we started playing Scrabble. I LOVE board games (as long as they don't require high-level strategies) and am accustomed to winning word games. I was doing quite nicely until Aaron made a killer play and ousted me by just a few points. Maybe it was the competition, maybe it was because we were two singles hanging out with a newly-wed couple, maybe it God. All I know is that sparks were flying between the two of us and it was the first time in my life I knew what was meant by the word "chemistry."


Aaron had just broken up with his long-time girlfriend and I had no friends in town yet, so we wound up hanging around together, usually with other people, quite a bit. Shortly after the Scrabble game, I called my good friend and begged for advice, saying, "There's all this crazy chemistry, but I could never marry him. We're too much alike!" My "husband list" was comprised of qualities opposite of mine. I thought, if he's very outgoing and likes large gatherings, I can just ride his coattails in these uncomfortable situations. If he is good at sharing his faith--great! Then he can win them and I can disciple them! Aaron, however, was very like me--preferring small gatherings over big parties and teaching/discipling over evangelism. My friend's response to my whining was that I was acting as blind as Anne of Green Gables when it came to Gilbert! If I'd found a good man, why was I fighting it so hard?


Well, over the next few months, Aaron and I had some probing conversations. It turned out we were both looking for someone outgoing and evangelistic to balance out our weaknesses. And, of course, he was looking for a small, petite princess and me for a big, tall hero! It was readily apparent that we are nearly the same size; so, of course, it wouldn't work. So, while Aaron was rapidly becoming my best friend--and there was all that chemistry!--I was able to rationalize that we were just friends and I'd be making others soon.


When Christmas came, I stayed in Boise, although my family all live in and near Chicago because by that time I was living with a quadriplegic woman who needed my assistance. Aaron also stayed in Boise and his parents and sister came to see him. When they discovered I had no Christmas dinner plans, they hastily invited me to join them. I was delighted, a bit overly so for someone who was convincing herself she was just friends with this guy. I remember Aaron and I flirted the entire time! I really should ask his parents and sister what they thought after that dinner!


In early February, my gram passed away. My family made arrangements for her funeral to take place the next day and I was very upset that I wasn't able to get back. As soon as I heard the news, I called Aaron. It was late already (9 or 10 PM), but he hurried over and sat with me as I talked and wept. I was also silently praying, "Lord, if it's okay with you for him to hold me, please make him say these exact words, so I'll know it's you: 'Would it help if I held you?'" As time ticked and the tears rolled, Aaron made several similar suggestions, but it was past midnight when he finally said "Would it help if I held you?" About an hour later, he said he really had to go. He had to work the next day, but he'd call me as soon as he could.


And, he did. We decided to rent a movie and watch it together at his house. Unfortunately, it wasn't over by 10, which was the time I needed to be home for my housemate. We popped it out and took it back to my place to watch the ending. After it was over, Aaron said, "We need to talk." What happened next is a little uncertain. What I heard him say was that what happened the night before (holding me) was a one-time event because I was grieving. It wouldn't happen again because we were just friends and we really needed to start acting like it. No more acting like we're dating, because we're not.


Valentine's Day was just around the corner and at the end of that week, the men of Chi Alpha would be hosting the ladies at the Annual Valentine's Banquet, an opportunity for the men to affirm the women's beauty and femininity in a non-threatening, non-romantic way. I was very excited about getting to dress up and found a gorgeous gown for a good price. It made me feel like Audrey Hepburn. I told Aaron that I'd bought it, but that he'd have to wait until the banquet to see it. He said, "I can't wait to see you in it!" I thought that was a singularly odd thing for him to say, considering the conversation we'd just had, but I let it pass.


The night of the banquet came and I was excited and feeling pretty. When I arrived at the hall, Aaron found me almost immediately and gave me a card. Since he'd interrupted a conversation I was having, I accepted the card without opening it. He seemed regretful to leave my side to conduct his duties and was back again shortly asking whether I'd read the card yet. No, I was enjoying talking with the ladies. I told him that if he would entertain them for a moment, I would excuse myself from the conversation to read his card. It was Valentinesy with roses and pretty script, but the verse was pretty mild, nothing about love or romance. He'd included a note of his own that said, in part, "Thank you for being a good friend and companion." Hmmm, I thought, 'friend and companion'--apparently I did understand him correctly, but then why is he behaving so oddly?


He drove me home that night and talked about how beautiful I'd been and that he liked the dress. We chatted about various things late into the night and enjoyed one another's company. As friends. The next morning, after church, he asked what I'd planned for lunch. Nothing really, so I went with him to his house. While we were eating, we chanced to smile at each other since conversation was impeded by all the chewing and swallowing. I was shocked and puzzled when he said, "Aw, we're gross!" Gross! What?! Did I have food stuck in my teeth? What could possibly be gross? "What do you mean?" I stammered. "I mean, you know when you're out at the mall or a restaurant or something, and other couples smile that smile at each other? It's gross." OTHER COUPLES? What does that mean--does that mean WE'RE a couple? When did we become a couple? "Uh, yeah. What do you mean 'other couples'? Are we a couple now?" Much to my surprise, he told me he was going skiing that afternoon and would think about how to phrase it and define it while alone on the slopes.


Boy, was I confused! I had no idea what the boy was thinking and what was going on! All I knew was that we were looking for matches who were opposite to our weaknesses (and sizes!) and that not a week ago, we'd agreed to be just friends! The whole afternoon, I hemmed and hawed and puzzled over all of this and couldn't wait for him to come and explain it all to me.


Finally, he showed up and we sat down. He said, "I think the best way to define it is that we are best friends." Ah, okay. So, apparently he was a little confused this past week, but he's landed in the safe and established territory of friends. This is good. The conversation was, of course, a little longer than that, but that was the gist of it.


The next day, I met with the Chi Alpha Director and he asked about me and Aaron. I told him that it'd been a confusing week, but that I thought we'd finally settled it out that we were best friends and I was good with that. He probed about dating and whether I thought I could marry Aaron. I told him that we'd talked about what we were looking for in spouses and it didn't really match up, but that I really liked Aaron and there was this chemistry, but that it was probably better this way. He seemed a little disappointed in my answer and said he'd be sure to clear things up with Aaron too.


Later that afternoon, Aaron called. He had talked to Nino (the director) and felt like we needed to talk more, that he needed to do a better job defining the relationship. "I think the best way to put it is that we are best friends (yeah, I got that part the last time...), seeking God as to whether we should be married." WHAT?!!!!! MARRIED??!!!!!! I almost fell out of my chair! "Where did this come from?! I thought we just decided to be friends! And what about all that talk about needing someone to fill up our weaknesses and us being too much alike! MARRIED?!!!"


I think he was taken aback a little by my extreme reaction. You see, that night after my gram died, when we watched the movie...well, he'd intended to convey something more like this: "What happened last night, that was just a one-time thing because you were grieving. However, I think it's about time we own up to what we and everyone who sees us already knows. We're acting like we're dating--we might as well call it like it is." Now, over the phone, he responded by saying, "Yeah, I've been thinking a lot about that opposites thing over the last couple of months. And, what I came to figure out was that it's actually probably a good thing to be with someone who enjoys the same things you do. It's easier to partner in ministry and to live peaceably together. I mean, can you imagine preferring to get together in small dinner parties, but your spouse always wants to go to big parties? One of you would always be uncomfortable in social settings. And, you know, there's that verse that says, 'How can two walk together unless they agree?' (Amos 3:3) I think if you're going to marry someone, you both should probably be going the same direction, right?"


Okay, well this did make sense. And, it wasn't like he meant to marry me right away. And, there was all that chemistry! So, I agreed that we could be "best friends seeking God as to whether we should be married." Of course, we called this relationship "dating" to everyone else. In that phone call, we also established the ground rules of what BFSGATWWSBM would be--no touching (no hand holding, kissing, arms around each other, etc, but short hugs were acceptable), no romantic talk (minimal compliments, no "our future" talk, no "I love you"); the point was to truly get to know each other and to be listening to God above all else without feeding the "blinding" aspects of love.


A month later he was on a plane to Montpellier, France on a 3-month assignment from work. This certainly helped us keep the physical boundaries we'd set! It also helped us get to know each other. I had a book of 201 Questions and each week I selected a few for Aaron to answer by email. Each time I got answers back from him, I was amazed at how similarly I would have answered. This led me to write in a paper letter, "I keep finding your thoughts in my head, your dreams in my heart." I didn't mean it to be romantic, but looking at it now, it seems it could have been lifted directly from a Hallmark card! He called me and told me how romantic it seemed to him and admonished me to be more careful. Poor guy, all alone in a foreign land, with no real friends to speak of. The Hotmail symbol probably seemed a little romantic to him!


Shortly after he came home, we drove to WA for a friend's wedding. Somehow, between the wedding and dinner out with some other WA friends, I said something that led Aaron to ask, "So, are you saying that if I asked you to marry me right now, you would say 'yes'?" Well, yes, that was true for me. He was startled and obviously not quite there yet. We spent the 10 hour car ride home talking about the difference between infatuation and real love and how you can tell the difference. I thought I had explained it quite well.


A few days later a Sarah McLachlan song came on the radio when we were driving together to the pizza place. Something in the lyrics prompted Aaron to groan. He admitted (upon questioning!) that he still didn't know how to tell infatuation from love. I wasn't the Queen of all things all the time and it made him worry a little bit about marrying me. So, I broke up with him.


No, really, I did! I replayed the conversations about infatuation over and over and over in my head and talked with the Director and his wife about it. They agreed that Aaron had a problem in this area and when I mentioned breaking up with him, they agreed that it would be better for him to figure it out without the added dimension of being in a dating relationship. So, the night after pizza, after we watched a movie together, I told him I thought it was incompatible to try and figure out what married love should be when you are seeking God as to whether you should be marrying a particular girl. It was getting the cart before the horse. It wasn't fair to me, and it really wasn't fair to him either. We both cried and tried to bridge the gap for an hour. He kept saying he didn't have "peace" about marrying me, but I believed it was because he had issues about committing to someone when some of the infatuation had worn off. He wouldn't let me totally break up with him, though. He talked me down to a two-week "separation." We would both pray and seek counsel and in two weeks see where we were at.


I walked out to my car, hardly able to see it through the tears, realized I couldn't drive home until I'd calmed down, threw my crossed arms over the steering wheel and let my head fall. My forehead thudded on the horn! HOOOOOONK!!!! Aaron came to the window, puzzled why I was in his driveway honking! It was so funny! I couldn't help laughing! Then I burst into wilder tears because I couldn't go in and share the laugh with my best friend. It was an awful feeling.


The next day, I cried a lot. In the afternoon, I called my mom and told her what had happened. She didn't understand our relationship from the beginning, and this break-up was far beyond her comprehension. She told me the only thing she could relate it to was when her sister had lost a baby. That startled me out of my grief because I realized that no one had died here. Nothing had died, in fact--our relationship and God-seeking had changed nature, but perhaps just temporarily. Perhaps, even, there was someone waiting and ready to marry me just around the corner. Aaron hadn't taken anything inappropriate from me and we didn't have a strong romantic/emotional bond because we'd been careful not to go there. My spirits lifted and by the time my sister called to console me an hour later, I was feeling good. I told her about the horn-honking and we laughed and laughed. She told me a funny thing that happened to her recently and we spent an hour laughing together. As soon as I hung up with her, the phone rang. I answered with the laughter still in my voice. There was a pause. "...Rachel?" It was a very sad and now confused Aaron calling. He wasn't supposed to be calling, but he said he wanted to make sure I got home okay the night before and was doing alright. Yep. Just fine here! Poor guy! He sure wasn't expecting that!


Over the next two days, I realized that while Aaron was indeed a good match for me, and that I would still say yes if he proposed (given that he proved he understood love and infatuation), I was ready to give him all the time and space he needed to figure it out. I was excited to see him at a Chi Alpha Bible study and ask his forgiveness for my impatience. As soon as I finished my little shpiel, he laughed. He told me that these few days apart had made him realize that he never wanted to spend another day apart from me and that he knew that meant he really loved me "warts and all" (my words, not his!). He wanted to start pre-engagement counseling right away (we did our pre-marital counseling ahead of the engagement because we felt that the proposal was a commitment not lightly made on both sides and didn't want to be blind-sided by something in counseling after the commitment--and appertaining plans--had been made).


That was in August. We did a little ring shopping and I found a style I liked. In October, we scored the highest in compatibility our pastor had ever seen, even among married couples he'd counselled! He gave us his blessing and Aaron went back to the jewelry store. He couldn't find the ring he remembered me liking. He looked in all the cases. He looked in all the catalogs. He described it to several salespeople. It had vanished and no one could help him find it. So, against his wishes, he brought me in. I couldn't find it either. A clever salesperson suggested we sit with a designer. He made a beautiful sketch! Everything I wanted! And, every time I drove by the store, I'd smile and think of all the little elves creating my very own engagement ring.

Aaron kept telling me that, even though we'd designed the ring, he wasn't quite ready to propose yet. The patience I'd found in the summer was all used up by then and I could think of no good reason why he was stalling. One night in December, I stopped by his place after he'd attended an informational meeting about a buying club. He told me how you could buy your way into the club and then save all kinds of money on all kinds of products. But, he thought you could do as well just shopping on the internet. "After all, you know how much I saved on that diamond!" Immediately, he looked panic-stricken and I lit up like the Times Square Christmas Tree!!! He'd bought the diamond for my ring! We had a date planned for that Saturday night and I KNEW he was going to propose then. He made up some lame cover-up, but it couldn't deter me from my conviction. When I got home that night, I burst into my house-mate's room and practically yelled, "I'm GETTING ENGAGED on Saturday!!!!!"

Aaron called the next afternoon: "How're you doing?"
"Oh, I'm doing GREAT!" (grinning)
"Why's that?"
"Oh, I dunno...." (grinning)
"Well, I hope you don't think we're getting engaged tomorrow night--cuz WE'RE NOT!!!"
"Oh, yeah, uhn huh." (grinning)

He came to get me at the appointed time for our date and I was smiling from ear to ear. He kept looking at me as he was driving. He took me back to his place where he'd kicked out all the roommates. There were little candles everywhere and the table was set for two. He'd made a lasagna from scratch, but we started with salads. He'd even gotten my favorite dessert from Macaroni Grille. When there was nothing left to eat, he said, "There's one more thing. I have to go upstairs to get it. But, it's just a card!" Hee hee! He's such an awful liar!

While I was reading the card which was signed "I love you, Aaron"--the first time he'd said "I love you" to me, he got down on one knee next to me. When I looked up from the card, he said, with tears in his eyes, "Rachel, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?" and he put the ring in the palm of my hand. I giggled and nodded and giggled and hugged and giggled and nodded! Finally I exclaimed, "OH! I haven't even seen it!" And he said, "You haven't answered me either!"

We took a few pictures together (with the timer) and he said that was as much as he'd planned, what did I want to do now? I wanted to go to the mall where my friend was working and show her! He said, "No, really, what do you want to do?"
"That IS what I want to do!" And that's what we did!

We got married in a beautiful little chapel 7 months later and we still marvel how we're so incredibly each other's best match. Neither of us can imagine that there could be a better fit out there anywhere. We better die together because we're both convinced we'd never be able to top what we have with each other. He was sure right when he said, "Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?"