The Five of Us, Spring 2014

The Five of Us, Spring 2014

What I Was Just Telling Ginger...

I was just sitting here contemplating (in a rather melancholy mood) whom I could bug about Pence's situation. Patty's back in Liberia...the US staff is in the midst of major transition...Jocelyn learned a lot about the normal stuff, but probably doesn't know the first thing about Pence's situation. Okay, now I'm crying. I just feel like I don't know ANYTHING about what's going on with him. I know he's stuck in Firestone Hospital and that his family is all dead. I know he's healthy and happy and doesn't really know what he's missing. I know Patty is fighting for him as much as if she was adopting him herself, but that everything she's tried has been a dead end. That's all I know. I don't even know what the hold-up is or who's responsible for not allowing him to be adopted. Or why? Or how he'll ever be freed...or *if* he'll ever be freed.

Okay, maybe I shouldn't be indulging those thoughts. I had been saying we'd be bringing Pence home sometime during 2007, but now that we're this far into this year, I'm not even going to say that anymore. I have to keep telling myself to look beyond the circumstances and to trust God and forget about Patty or Dr. Sherman or anyone else.

So, we're still expecting Pea's adoption to finalize in June and that we'll be traveling in August or September. I don't know how I'm going to handle visiting Pence while we're there, knowing we'll have to leave him and possibly not knowing when we'll be back for him even then. Amy, who's adopting Mama, who's also at Firestone Hosp., said there's only two 30-minute visiting periods each day. And, I doubt we'd have anywhere near the freedom to take Pence out with us like Jocelyn had with Isaac because the Hospital would no doubt fear we'd never return him! (And they'd certainly be justified in that fear!)

Ya know, we got into this whole thing because about 15 months ago, I dared to complain to God (foolish girl!) that my mediocre middle-class life was boring me and that I wanted more of Him! (tears again) What I really wanted was to be babied, like new Christians who get to hear God's voice around every corner and get every prayer answered immediately. I wanted some warm-fuzzies from heaven. I didn't want to have to be a big girl (I'm mentally stomping my foot and actually pouting)! I wasn't expecting to have to be a mature Christian who experiences more of God through difficulties instead of ease. It sounds all noble when the Apostles say stuff like they actually want to experience more of Christ through suffering and other such counter-cultural oddities. But, I don't want to be noble. I want to be...well, comfortable, mediocre, perhaps a little bit bored.

My life has always been easy and this waiting for Pence with layer upon layer of the unknown is the biggest exercise of my faith ever.
God alone.
God alone.
God alone.
He's the only One who knows what and why and how. He's the only One I can trust. And, somehow, I just keep grasping for someone else...anyone else. What in the world is wrong with me?! Somehow I'd rather blog than pray. And now that Punk is up from his nap, I'll be closing this blog in exchange for games on pbskids.org. Maybe that'll at least take my mind off things until I have a moment of serenity to repent for my 15-months-ago-grumbling-spirit. Or, something like that.

7 comments:

Kami said...

I so hope that the situation gets cleared up for you soon. My heart goes out to you.

Jocelyn said...
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7,812 Miles said...
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Leslie said...

I know this is so hard Rae. Keep holding onto Jesus... Just keep holding on. I'm praying.

Amy said...

Rae, I know you don't feel strong right now, and I know you feel frustrated and disappointed... but you have encouraged and impressed me with your patience and steadfastness in this whole process. You're handling this all so much better than so many of us would have.
You are acting out your faith. It's hard, and ridiculous, and so aggrivating, but you are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.
But you're not strong enough to carry it all on you own.
Giving it over to God is something that has to be done over and over and over again. He can see it all. He knows the who's, why's and when's. It's not too big for Him.
All those precious stones you wear on your fingers were made beautiful by pressure. Just imagine how beautiful and SHINY you're going to be when this is all behind you! :)
God is on your side!
Love,
Amy

Brandi said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Tarah said...

(((((hugs))))
Love ya. You have me in tears. I am so proud of you for following where Christ leads you.

My Man and Me

My Man and Me
married 7/7/2001

Punk

Punk
ours through biology, born 7/25/2004, home 8/1/2004

Pea

Pea
ours through adoption from Liberia, West Africa, born 7/15/2005, home 10/25/2007

Pup

Pup
ours through domestic adoption, born 1/15/2011, home 2/10/2011, final 8/3/2011

Talk To Me

I blog for myself and my kids and I would do it even if no one else cared, but I do like to hear from you (and think it's a wee bit creepy of you to voyeurize us without my knowing it). So, please leave a comment from time to time, or email me anytime at xawilsons@hotmail.com. Much obliged, I'm sure.

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Round Two Timeline

  • 9/24/08 Home study update home visit for Ghana adoption
  • 10/15/08 Dossier sent to AOHG
  • 10/15/08 I600A application sent to USCIS
  • 10/30/08 First heard about possible domestic private adoption
  • 11/18/08 Last spoke with contact about possible domestic adoption; expected to hear back about meeting with birthmother
  • 12/3/08 Withdrew application from AOHG
  • 1/6/09 Found out another family had been chosen for possible domestic adoption
  • 1/21/09 USCIS fingerprinting appointment
  • 1/8/09 Received USCIS fingerprinting appointment notice
  • 4/11/09 Sent Pre-Application to Covenant Care Adoptions for Domestic Infant Adoption program
  • 6/8/09 Social worker visit to update home study from International to Domestic
  • 7/24/09 Received completed home study update
  • 8/25/09 Went "on the list" for birthfamilies to choose from
  • 4/28/10 Found out a birth mom had chosen us
  • 5/8/10 Met the birth mom
  • 5/11/10 Got the call that birth mom changed her mind
  • 5/19/10 Birth mom's scheduled c-section
  • 11/30/10 Visit from DSS sw about foster parenting
  • 11/30/10 Got the call that another birth mom had chosen us
  • 12/21/10 Met with the birth mom
  • 1/15/11 @1:42 PM BB was born!
  • 1/19/11 ICPC (interstate) paperwork sent to GA for approval
  • 1/31/11 ICPC Clearance Approved
  • 2/10/11 Placement Ceremony and Pup comes home!!!!
  • 8/3/11 It's Official! Pup's Adoption Decree was issued