Oh my, oh my! I am so rebellious on the inside! You'd never know it from the outside. Unless you saw my bellybutton--which you probably never will. But, if you did, you'd see the warped hole from the pre-pregnancy piercing. But that's another story. We're talking about the rebel within today.

What I've noticed so far on the fast is that the food isn't so bad. Like I said, this isn't too far of a leap from normal for us. We usually do have plenty of meat (and a daily Cherry Coke!) and far more chocolate than is technically necessary (I do believe some is a necessity), but we're accustomed to whole grains and veg. So, anyway, what we "can" eat hasn't really been a problem for me. But, I am starting to really strain inwardly against the restrictions. The first week wasn't so bad because I was full of hope and expectation. But the novelty has now worn off.

I've noticed this rebelliousness before in my life (the previous biggest example was physical intimacy during my engagement to Aaron). I'm like a horse who has acres and acres of gorgeous pasture land to roam and run upon, but instead, I spend my time butting my head into the fence. Uuugh. Rather than enjoying all that my Master has provided, rather than running to Him, I chafe myself against the boundaries. How dumb is that?!

During my engagement to Aaron, I basically lived off of Ps 16:6 "The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance." I had to constantly remind myself that everything I really needed and really wanted was within the bounds God had set. My future was sweet within the boundaries. The only thing outside that fence was pain, destruction, and death. Not that sexual intimacy is any of those things, and not that chicken and steak and cheese and chocolate are either, but obedience and righteousness are life. Even things that are good or neutral can become destructive when they are not kept in their rightful places. My old pastor used the example of fire, which brings light and heat to a home when kept in the fireplace, but death and destruction when it's allowed outside of it's boundaries.

My current pastor blogged this the other day: "I have noticed in my life that when I spend more time with God during a fast then I am less tempted towards the things I am staying away from. ...We must be committed to time with God as much as we are committed to time away from food." The thing is, whenever we focus on the boundaries, we're asking the wrong question: "How far can I go?" That question always moves us away from God. The question we should be asking is "How close can I get to God?" It seems He dwells in the center of our "boundary lines," as far from them in any direction. The whole point of the fast is moving closer to Him, so what am I doing butting my head on the fence? He's not there. He doesn't hang around the fringes. Time to get recentered. Time to hit the Book... and my knees.