The Five of Us, Spring 2014

The Five of Us, Spring 2014

The Paradox of Inadequacy and Independence

If you haven't yet read Whining Like Moses (previous post), you need to do so before reading this one.

This past Sunday, the sermon at our church was about quiet times/devotions. It was part of a series on developing a strong prayer life. Most of it was what you'd expect from someone training you in the how-to's of this discipline. But then....THEN...Pastor Tim walloped us. Ouch. He wrapped everything up in the unnerving package of WHY we don't do it. He gave two main reasons (1) self-reliance and (2) unbelief.

You can listen to the real deal here (click "Media" on the right, then click the mike, then click on the message for 7/12), but here's my take on it. When we skip over spending time with God, we're declaring we don't need Him. We can make it on our own. Our way is better, even, than His way. On the other hand, if we get up and head straight into Him, we're declaring our dependence on Him (as well as our love of being with Him and other things), that we need Him before anything else.

The other reason we don't pray, unbelief, is pretty clear too. If we don't believe our prayers are going to change anything really (no matter what we tell ourselves about our faith in God and prayer), we just stop praying.

But, it was the independent, unsubmitted, self-reliant attitude that really hit me where it hurt. And then the paradox struck me. When I was whining like Moses, it was all about me. In essence, I'd suddenly gone independent. This thing that God had started, orchestrated, built, carried on--all of a sudden I decided it was my thing and that I was unequal to the task. Well, DUH!

My inadequacy (which is a fairly frequent theme in my life) seems so unimportant when I'm relying on God. When I just show up and do what He gives me, the idea that "I can't do this!" doesn't come up. It's only when my independent streak, my self-reliance takes over that my inadequacy matters (to me) at all. If I can get rid of that self-reliance, the feeling of inadequacy will go right along with it. And, the only way I know to get rid of it is to kill it, every morning (every moment), by resurrendering myself to God and seeking His face.


My Man and Me

My Man and Me
married 7/7/2001


ours through biology, born 7/25/2004, home 8/1/2004


ours through adoption from Liberia, West Africa, born 7/15/2005, home 10/25/2007


ours through domestic adoption, born 1/15/2011, home 2/10/2011, final 8/3/2011

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Round Two Timeline

  • 9/24/08 Home study update home visit for Ghana adoption
  • 10/15/08 Dossier sent to AOHG
  • 10/15/08 I600A application sent to USCIS
  • 10/30/08 First heard about possible domestic private adoption
  • 11/18/08 Last spoke with contact about possible domestic adoption; expected to hear back about meeting with birthmother
  • 12/3/08 Withdrew application from AOHG
  • 1/6/09 Found out another family had been chosen for possible domestic adoption
  • 1/21/09 USCIS fingerprinting appointment
  • 1/8/09 Received USCIS fingerprinting appointment notice
  • 4/11/09 Sent Pre-Application to Covenant Care Adoptions for Domestic Infant Adoption program
  • 6/8/09 Social worker visit to update home study from International to Domestic
  • 7/24/09 Received completed home study update
  • 8/25/09 Went "on the list" for birthfamilies to choose from
  • 4/28/10 Found out a birth mom had chosen us
  • 5/8/10 Met the birth mom
  • 5/11/10 Got the call that birth mom changed her mind
  • 5/19/10 Birth mom's scheduled c-section
  • 11/30/10 Visit from DSS sw about foster parenting
  • 11/30/10 Got the call that another birth mom had chosen us
  • 12/21/10 Met with the birth mom
  • 1/15/11 @1:42 PM BB was born!
  • 1/19/11 ICPC (interstate) paperwork sent to GA for approval
  • 1/31/11 ICPC Clearance Approved
  • 2/10/11 Placement Ceremony and Pup comes home!!!!
  • 8/3/11 It's Official! Pup's Adoption Decree was issued