7 September 2010

You owe this post to Facebook. Usually, you should blame FB for my lack of posts. I get lazy about posting here because I keep in touch a lot through FB. But, one reason I'm here today is because a friend warned me (through FB) that I was in danger of losing my entire readership through lack of posting. And, I'm here today also because I ran across the following quote on FB this morning and wanted to process it in writing.

"Only those who can see the invisible can achieve the impossible." from the eulogy of Ida Scudder, medical missionary to India.

At the end of last week, I was feeling miserable and ready to throw in the towel on this adoption process. I was ready to move on, enjoy the family I have and stop "wasting time" imagining the family I dream of. I was weary of hoping, weary of waiting. I was choosing to give audience to the rationale that a new baby would disturb our equilibrium and that adding a new birthfamily to the mix was even crazier. I was looking at all the items on the "con" side of the list, ignoring the "pros" and possibilities.

But, then Sunday. As an aside, I feel like "but then Sunday" could define a lot of the renewings in my life. Whatever you may say against church or Church, there's just something about it that recharges my batteries and realigns my vision and resets my thinking. I really wouldn't want to have to do without. Anyhow, this Sunday was one of those "but then" Sundays. I went to church discouraged, weary of hoping, as I said. At our church, there is always a time for people who need a personal touch from God to get prayed for. I rarely go up front during this time, but I did it this week. As it happened, Pastor Tim was the one who prayed for me. He prayed, but he also told me to just wait for his sermon. He would be addressing this very thing.

We're in a series about Joseph (the OT one) the choices he made and the effects they had on his life. This message was "Will you throw a fit when you're in the pit?" :) Joseph had his dreams about succeeding to higher position than his older brothers. In fact, his dad gave him a supervisory role over them. Hence, they hatched their plot to kill him. They revised their scheme, though, and threw Joe in a pit instead. So, Joe had some choices to make in the pit. How would he respond? Would he give up on his dreams? Curse God? Scheme right back against his brothers? Or, would he trust God with his dreams?

God gave us a dream about our family. We tasted a little bit of the dream back in May. But since then (and even before that to some extent), we've been hanging out in the pit, waiting for something to happen. And the longer we wait, the more unrealistic the dream seems. I'm sure that was true for Joseph too. I mean, his big move was from the pit into slavery. Sure looks like success is just around the corner!

The fact is for us that God seems a bit silent right now. He hasn't said "Quit. Move on. Enjoy your family of four and stop expecting more." But, it feels like He hasn't thrown us a bone since the disappointment of May. It's hard to deal with silence. I talked to a friend this afternoon who reminded me that we often say we want to know God's will when we really want to know His plans. Well, He has made His will abundantly clear in His Word. His plans, on the other hand, He reveals in tiny snatches, like the dreams He gave Joseph, or the promise He gave me. But, His silence doesn't invalidate His promise. And, like Joseph (and countless others), I can trust Him in spite of my circumstances. And, in spite of His silence.

So, I can see the invisible. He's shown it to me by faith. The end result probably won't end up looking the way I've pictured it. But, it will be good. It will be better than I expect. And it just might wind up being the biggest celebration of my life to date!