The Five of Us, Spring 2014

The Five of Us, Spring 2014

Feeling Fraudy

15 March 2011

(Editor's note: One of these days I'll quit apologizing for being such an infrequent visitor to my own blog. But, not today. I'm sorry I've been away so long again. It's just that I rarely sit at the computer with both hands free these days. And it's hard enough to IM one-handed, much less to type in an entire blog entry!)
So, our sweet little Pup has been home over a month now, but there are still times that I feel like a fraud. It washes over me sometimes when I'm just driving around with my thoughts and my baby in the backseat. A feeling that I'm just the babysitter. It's trivial and passes quickly when I have the littlest love of my life in my arms. But, I also feel fraudish when strangers begin to talk to me about my baby. They'll say things like, "Oh where did he get that curly hair!?!" or "My! How can you be so skinny so soon after giving birth?" They are well-intentioned and blissfully ignorant, but since they are strangers, I don't feel any reason to go into all the ins and outs of how Pup came to our family. So, I smile awkwardly and mumble my "thank yous" and feel like a fraud inside.

When Pea came home to us, it was obvious to everyone that she was not born of my loins. But, even though Pup is "browning up" some, the logical conclusion is that I birthed him. A friend pointed out (from her experience) that Pup looks a lot like AB, which makes the fact that I'm the chronologically second mom very obvious (to me, at least). And, somehow, being second chronologically can make one feel inferior in other ways too. Also, there are still legal t's to be crossed and i's to be dotted. Living in this limbo certainly contributes to the fraudy feelings.
People often say it's the relationship that matters more than the legal definition of it. And, 98% of the time, I do feel like I really am Pup's mama. Bonding is going well in both directions. But, there is something to that little piece of paper that will say he's all mine and I'm all his. I doubt I'll feel fraudish at all after that.

Anyway, I was glad my friend shared her experiences with me and let me know I'm not alone. And I thought that there might be someone reading this who would benefit from knowing the same. :)


My Man and Me

My Man and Me
married 7/7/2001


ours through biology, born 7/25/2004, home 8/1/2004


ours through adoption from Liberia, West Africa, born 7/15/2005, home 10/25/2007


ours through domestic adoption, born 1/15/2011, home 2/10/2011, final 8/3/2011

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I blog for myself and my kids and I would do it even if no one else cared, but I do like to hear from you (and think it's a wee bit creepy of you to voyeurize us without my knowing it). So, please leave a comment from time to time, or email me anytime at Much obliged, I'm sure.

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Round Two Timeline

  • 9/24/08 Home study update home visit for Ghana adoption
  • 10/15/08 Dossier sent to AOHG
  • 10/15/08 I600A application sent to USCIS
  • 10/30/08 First heard about possible domestic private adoption
  • 11/18/08 Last spoke with contact about possible domestic adoption; expected to hear back about meeting with birthmother
  • 12/3/08 Withdrew application from AOHG
  • 1/6/09 Found out another family had been chosen for possible domestic adoption
  • 1/21/09 USCIS fingerprinting appointment
  • 1/8/09 Received USCIS fingerprinting appointment notice
  • 4/11/09 Sent Pre-Application to Covenant Care Adoptions for Domestic Infant Adoption program
  • 6/8/09 Social worker visit to update home study from International to Domestic
  • 7/24/09 Received completed home study update
  • 8/25/09 Went "on the list" for birthfamilies to choose from
  • 4/28/10 Found out a birth mom had chosen us
  • 5/8/10 Met the birth mom
  • 5/11/10 Got the call that birth mom changed her mind
  • 5/19/10 Birth mom's scheduled c-section
  • 11/30/10 Visit from DSS sw about foster parenting
  • 11/30/10 Got the call that another birth mom had chosen us
  • 12/21/10 Met with the birth mom
  • 1/15/11 @1:42 PM BB was born!
  • 1/19/11 ICPC (interstate) paperwork sent to GA for approval
  • 1/31/11 ICPC Clearance Approved
  • 2/10/11 Placement Ceremony and Pup comes home!!!!
  • 8/3/11 It's Official! Pup's Adoption Decree was issued