I guess I'm missing my Boise pals lately. Hallucinating Jamie onto my shampoo bottle was apparently only the beginning. Now I can't get Tarah off my mind. She's a massage therapist (the best!) and I miss her for her talents in friendship as well. Anyhow, I went into town for a Northwoods massage tonight. Didn't even compare. You see, Tarah comes to the comfort of your very own home, massages you in your candlelit bedroom while your husband puts the kids to bed and then massages him while yucking it up with you! Great stuff.

The trip into town and back gave me lots of quiet time to think (well, "lots" is comparative I suppose). All alone with my facinating brain. Well, Tarah thinks it's facinating. Evidence? Well, take, for example, her comment on my "Pornography of Women" post: "Rae, I love you! This is wonderful. I wish you would write a book about all the things you think about. (((( hugs)))) I have been thinking of you LOTS. I will e-mail tomorrow, or call you! :)"

Well, my dear Tarah, a book is out of my league right now, but here's a post, dedicated to you, full of "the things I think about." Or, rather, the things I thought about on my night alone.

Snow. The fresh snow is sooo beautiful. It makes the cold bearable (from the inside of anything with windows). But, in a couple of days it will be all dirty and nasty from all the traffic. Bet there's a spiritual lesson in there somewhere. Hmmm.... Traffic of life. Need to be renewed. Need fresh "snow" in our lives every day (or more often). Hmmm... Are there mountains in Israel tall enough to have snow? Why is there snow-imagery in the Bible? Did they really know what snow was? Most of the other Biblical imagery seems so hands-on and immediately relatable to the culture. Maybe it isn't so much. Hmmm....

Eggs...jam...coacoa...do they still have that cream eyeshadow? I'd like to try that. Hmmm....

Oh, whoops! Stop staring at the pretty lights, Dopey! Watch the road, not the spedometer! I always do this when I come across these plumb and poke towns. I get so obsessed with staying at the right (low) speed and wind up being more dangerous than if I was going 10 miles faster and WATCHING THE ROAD!!! Hmmm. There's gotta be a spiritual lesson in that too. Hmmm. Focusing on the rules (spedometers) instead of the experience/journey (road). Things could jump out at you...no reaction time...missing the scenery... I do this all the time, actually. Focusing on the spot right in front of the car instead out a ways like they taught me in driver's ed. Focusing on the path right in front of me when hiking, missing the granduer and beauty and animals around me. I miss so much that way. What's the life lesson? What am I supposed to learn about this?

Massage...dinner...video store...no--library before video store...then, WalMart. Eggs, jam, coacoa, bubble bath. Yeah. Bubble bath without anything yucky in it.

(singing along to CD)

KFC, BK, McD's? Pizza Pub, Country Kitchen? Deep Water Grille? No, that's too expensive. I couldn't. But that Cream of Wild Rice Mushroom soup. I could live and die on that soup. Probably would too--heart attack or something. But, tonight, tonight, it's just me and I really don't want fast food. And the Country Kitchen is always cold. And the Pizza Pub wouldn't afford any privacy. Yeah, I need some of that soup. And privacy. And warmth. And maybe they'll seat me up on the balcony since it's just me and my book. Yeah. Deep Water Grille it is.

(Listening to worship song from Matt Redman's Facedown that A got for Christmas) "This is a time for breathing You in And breathing out Your grace." Wow. That's a really amazing, life-changing concept! As if breathing in God himself wasn't enough, but to breathe out His grace. How I could use this in my life--Breathe in God's presence, breathe out His grace on my kids, my A, my families, my co-workers. Breathe in God, breathe out His love, His peace. And, the really amazing thing is that just one breath of God really does have that sort of transforming power. Tarah told me her "last nerve" secret was to always carry a cup of coffee and when a yell is mounting within her about to be splattered on her kiddos, she takes a sip instead. Maybe I could combine these two: When I feel a freak-out coming, Sip in God, splatter His grace. Yep, that could work.

I love Aaron. What a good guy giving me this night out by myself. Should I take my book into the restaurant (to eat dinner peacefully, slowly, all by my self) or should I just people-watch and pray? Bring the book. The restaurant's not big enough to blend in. Aaron. Yeah. I love Aaron. I just feel all happy and lovey. Massage is good. Dinner is good. Alone is good. Aaron is better. I wonder what he'll be up to when I get home. Will he have the kids down to bed yet? He'll be watching tv, of course. Maybe on the eliptical. I should use the eliptical once in a while. I wonder if doing yoga before bed would keep me up or help me sleep? I gotta do something about getting some exercise. My butt is getting bigger by the minute. I love Aaron. He always tells me how much he loves my "feminine curves" and the more he says it the more I believe him. Still, I should get the butt-growth under control. I wonder if he'll be in the mood when I get home. I wonder if the kids will be asleep enough? I'll sit next to him on the couch and distract my beloved tv-zombie with a few well-placed and well-timed kisses and see where that leads.

"Worship starts with seeing You. Our hearts respond to Your revelation." Yes, we're the Bride of Christ, responding to Him as a wife responds to her husband's advances (with all the bad attitudes and excuses at times). But, here I am contemplating a "seduction." Can we "seduce" God? Does He want us to try? What would that look like? Hmmmm.... Actually, my desire for Aaron IS a response to him--to what I know about him, love about him. A response to the accumulation of my experiences with him over the years. I guess the "seduction" of God would be heart-felt true worship born of our experiences with Him--cool!