The Five of Us, Spring 2014

The Five of Us, Spring 2014

Our Anniversary

Sorry for being a slacker. I've had a lot of things on my mind, but haven't been able to crystallize them into a blog post. Even still, this post feels flat and lame. There are others who've said it better and louder. I'm just an echo, but a real echo, a living, feeling echo.

Last weekend (October 25) was our one-year anniversary with Pea. I wasn't really prepared for the onslaught of conflicting emotions. I knew I should expect some--after all, I've read about others' experiences of the same day in their lives. But reading and living are not the same, just as thinking and knowing are not the same. I didn't expect the echo in my life to resound quite so strongly. I think about Pea's former life quite often and I try to empathize with that first family that seems so "foreign." My culture, my values, my worldview, my understandings, my ways of thinking and doing are so different, yet I want to grasp something of "them," something of the first ones to hold her, the first lullabies sung to her, the first heartbeat she heard and loved; something of her mother's heart, her mother's hopes and dreams for our precious girlie's life. Of course, I want to have something to share with Pea, but I want that "something of them" for me too. I can surmise all day long about the various circumstances and surroundings, but that doesn't matter to me so much as WHO they were, WHO they are and I barely have a clue to start building upon.

Loose ends make me feel loose myself, ungrounded, unstable, uncertain, unsure. Some people relish these sorts of mysteries with excitement. I tend to grasp at straws trying to make the loose ends meet and make sense. So, we didn't celebrate our first anniversary. I couldn't make sense of the emotions and the mysteries. Plus, being as young as our family is, any celebration we might have had would have been more about the adults than the kids.

I hope to be able to make more sense of things in the coming year. Maybe we'll celebrate our anniversary next year. It just seems odd and difficult to me to celebrate a moment in life that is not all joyful. How can we celebrate when the moment we're recalling involved hope, joy, love, yes, but also separation, grief, death, loss...? I can't grasp it. I can't see it in my mind's eye. I don't know how to do it. The only thing I know is taking the bits as they come--celebrating the moments of joy and hope and happiness and grieving in the moments of loss and rending, in the moment, when they are present. But, bringing it all together into an "event"? I simply don't know how.


Anonymous said...

That is such an emotional day, isn't it? For Josh we had a party with some extended family to celebrate him becoming part of our family. He called it his "happy day"- works for me! The two of us spent some time before his nap that afternoon looking at the photo book we made of our trip to Liberia and I tried to explain it in words he'd understand. Then we prayed for his mother and his uncle and thanked God for making Josh part of our family. You're right- so many conflicting emotions, but I think it's okay to embrace all of them.


My Man and Me

My Man and Me
married 7/7/2001


ours through biology, born 7/25/2004, home 8/1/2004


ours through adoption from Liberia, West Africa, born 7/15/2005, home 10/25/2007


ours through domestic adoption, born 1/15/2011, home 2/10/2011, final 8/3/2011

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Round Two Timeline

  • 9/24/08 Home study update home visit for Ghana adoption
  • 10/15/08 Dossier sent to AOHG
  • 10/15/08 I600A application sent to USCIS
  • 10/30/08 First heard about possible domestic private adoption
  • 11/18/08 Last spoke with contact about possible domestic adoption; expected to hear back about meeting with birthmother
  • 12/3/08 Withdrew application from AOHG
  • 1/6/09 Found out another family had been chosen for possible domestic adoption
  • 1/21/09 USCIS fingerprinting appointment
  • 1/8/09 Received USCIS fingerprinting appointment notice
  • 4/11/09 Sent Pre-Application to Covenant Care Adoptions for Domestic Infant Adoption program
  • 6/8/09 Social worker visit to update home study from International to Domestic
  • 7/24/09 Received completed home study update
  • 8/25/09 Went "on the list" for birthfamilies to choose from
  • 4/28/10 Found out a birth mom had chosen us
  • 5/8/10 Met the birth mom
  • 5/11/10 Got the call that birth mom changed her mind
  • 5/19/10 Birth mom's scheduled c-section
  • 11/30/10 Visit from DSS sw about foster parenting
  • 11/30/10 Got the call that another birth mom had chosen us
  • 12/21/10 Met with the birth mom
  • 1/15/11 @1:42 PM BB was born!
  • 1/19/11 ICPC (interstate) paperwork sent to GA for approval
  • 1/31/11 ICPC Clearance Approved
  • 2/10/11 Placement Ceremony and Pup comes home!!!!
  • 8/3/11 It's Official! Pup's Adoption Decree was issued